It’s good news that each day more men start considering themselves feminists. That they understand what’s the struggle about. We are talking about men that understand that, today, women are still suffering discrimination on most aspect of their daily life.
This is a subject quite broad, so let's focus on a single aspect of it. The Work-space. Nobody should disagree with me if I say that today women occupy less leadership positions in companies and, even when they equally qualify for them, they are also worse paid than their male counterparts for performing the same tasks. Nobody should disagree because what I just said is not an opinion, it’s a fact. So let’s go forward, it’s time to take one extra step in this journey we started the very moment we accepted this as true.
The next step
One of the main motives that drove me to write this text is because during one of the lasts Designit’s “Inspiration Trips”, I had the opportunity to participate in a workshop that pushed the following question forward: “How might we get more women in leadership positions at Designit?” The good thing; the conversation was already ongoing. The bad thing; the company I’m in is, in this specific facet, just like the rest of the companies out there. Our leadership is mostly men.
So, I have found that this kind of conversation, in this case about the lack of women in leadership roles, happens mostly between women, which is only to be natural, but not that much between men. And that, under my point of view, is kind of weird.
It’s a very specific conversation to have because; one thing is understanding that someone is being discriminated, but it’s fairly more complicated to reflect about the sources of that discrimination. If someone is being discriminated, some other one has to be discriminating it. So, where is the source of this specific discrimination?
I guess some of you already know where I’m going with this. It’s us. Me, you, he. Men. We all, without exception, are the source. But let’s elaborate it a bit further. If by this discrimination 50% of the population is being deprived of money and power… Where do this money and power goes? surely it’s not vanishing into thin air. So, where do you think it’s going?
Again it’s the same answer. It goes directly to us. Men.
Please, before entering into self-defence mode, and mostly before you commit a full #notallmen, take a deep breath. Believing that no, you are not part of the problem it’s not going to be of any use. It would place yourself in self denial, just that. So again, to me it’s weird that us, the flip side of this coin, do not promote an active conversation on this subject.
Recognizing our privileges
“Realising that you are privileged is incredibly complicated and has cero incentives attached to it. Each privilege you acknowledge is a merit you deny to yourself.”
César Astudillo.
Maybe the first step for this long journey is to understand that on this society, even if we are the most caring, engaged-with-the-feminist-cause men, we are still the recipient of all the privileges society is bringing to us. And, not only we cannot reject these privileges but, and this is the saddest part, we are not really conscious of them. We have been raised with them and they come as something natural to us. We need to start to look at us again from a fresh perspective, so let’s start with some questions:
- Was I promoted over a female colleague, but she did deserve it more than I?
- Was I hired in a company over a female colleague which was more qualified than I?
- Do I have less problems finding jobs than my female colleagues?
- Am I earning more money than my female colleagues that have a position similar to mine?
- Do my clients address me instead of my female colleagues by default even when they are senior to me?
- Do my opinions are are less questioned than those of my female colleagues?
- Does my company have more men than women in leadership roles?
If you have answered each and every one of these questions with a no… then you are not completely aware of the privileges you are being recipient of.
Again, this is a huge issue to tackle in a single article so, to address just one of the questions I have proposed, let’s focus on one of the specific questions, promotions. I understand that, no matter what I argue, you won't agree here and now that you don’t deserve each and every one of your promotions, that you fought for them, that they belong to you and your effort. You and everyone out there hold the same position, but then…
How do you explain that women systematically fail to raise to leadership roles?
I can clearly hear your line of thought… And it’s not the first time, nor it will be the last, that I hear someone telling me it’s not about gender, it’s about hiring /promoting /rewarding the best profiles. Sure it is, but sadly you won't be rewarding the best profiles, but those you think that are the best. And that’s another indisputable fact: We are all biased towards men.
And I’ll drop one extra fact: Right now there are way more women getting a college degree than men, worldwide. And they perform better than their men counterparts. This is more or less well represented when both genders are hired but, suddenly, when it’s about promotion to a leadership role, something happens.
So, what explanation we might have to that lack of promotions?: Is a really weird coincidence? Is just that women are worse skilled?, dumber? Is maybe that they just don’t want to be promoted?
Let’s say promotions are right now distributed with complete fairness, kind of a lottery. Each year all the workers in the world participate in the promotion lottery. A small ball with their name is introduced in a huge device and then by pure luck the winners are selected.
And instead of a 50% you get only 24% of women promoted. And every year is exactly the same. Every year. Again and again for decades, centuries… millenia. If it was a real lottery, everybody would suspect that some kind of cheat is involved here.
So, if we agree that women are not dumber nor less capable than men, and that they want promotions with the same eagerness than men (please god, I hope we agree on this), then we should agree that the overall talent has to be equally spread through both genders. As a note to this line of thought, given the academic landslide that is happening since the 70’s, it’s more than probable that there’s more talent on the female side than on the male one (just a volume issue).
So, instead of choosing the real best profiles, we are scamming ourselves. The first 50% of men we select are ok, good choice! But, that extra 25%… ouch, there were better candidates, but they were women, and we didn’t hire them. At the end, we are creating a worse team and, as a consequence, we are losing money. And hey, it’s not me telling you this ¿ok? it’s Mckinsey. So, let’s place here another undeniable fact: Our own bias is stopping us identifying the real talent.
Stepping back
The thing about privileges is that they are not an infinite resource. And not only there’s a limited number of them, they have always an owner. In every situation some people will have privileges over other people. Let’s simplify this to better understand it. In a single queue, those who came first have a privilege over those who came last. They will be attended before the rest. First come, first served. We all live through this kind of privileges. At a given time we all understand the need to wait to be attended.
Of course, this is not a problem. Except when it becomes something systemic. When it happens again and again. So, back to reality, in this oversimplified situation we (men) are always in the front of the row, while them (women) are in the back.
Remember when I said that, for me, it’s weird that these conversations doesn’t happen between men? Well, in the end it’s not, because I understand it’s not a comfortable conversation to have. It’s not only about admitting our privileges, but about voiding some of our merits. In this particular line, we all want to be attended, and we won’t admit that our only merit to be there, at the front, was only to get first to the queue.
And there’s yet another fact to understand: No matter how much we help those in the back of the line, or how supportive we are with them, they cannot advance in the line as long as we stay there. So, these conversations should be about how to step back from the front of the queue.
Keep running (in the right direction)
In this article I highlighted some specific points that can be useful to walk this talk, let me sum them up:
1Reflect on your privileges and learn to recognise them. For this, I’d recommend to read, there’s plenty of literature that can be really instructive. In Spain we have Nuria Valera’s “Feminismo para principiantes” which I consider basic literature. Talking (more about listening) about this subject with women can also be illuminating (and heartbreaking at the same time).
2 Have this conversation openly with fellow men. Create and promote it in your workplace. How’s the gender equality in your company’s leadership ? What actions are being taken to solve that? Make this an open conversation. Raise the subject, organise discussion groups in your company.
And please remember this is focussed towards our attitude as men. It’s not just about recognising the problem, but understanding our role and responsibility in it. It’s not going to be easy, it’s not going to feel fair but, it’s not complicated to understand that, if we want someone to gain privileges, these privileges have to come from somewhere. From us.
Men, it’s time to step back.
Extra articles I used to document myself in order to write this piece:
